Gathering Evidence of Intimate Partner Violence? Avoid These Common Mistakes

If you are experiencing Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), it can be difficult to think about protecting yourself, or asserting your rights. Your immediate focus is often on your safety, your children, and simply getting through each day.

But as we’ve covered in some recent blogs, “Proving Your Tort Claim for Intimate Partner Violence? Here’s the Kind of Evidence You Need”  under Canadian law you may have several protections and remedies available to you, if you are a victim of IPV.

In particular, you may have several legal remedies — whether through the family courts, the criminal justice system, or a civil claim for damages.  The evidence you preserve today may become important tomorrow.

If you are trying to document abusive conduct perpetrated against you, then here’s a list of some common mistakes that you’ll need to avoid:

Mistake #1: Deleting Text Messages Out of Anger or Frustration

You may be tempted to erase painful communications with your abuser, get them out of your mind, and just try to move on.

Unfortunately, threatening, controlling, manipulative, or abusive messages may later become important evidence. If possible, you should preserve:

• text messages
• emails
• social media messages
• voicemail messages
• communications through parenting apps.

It’s also important not to delete or edit these.  You want to preserve them in their authentic format, to optimize their authenticity – and by extension, your credibility before the court.

Mistake #2: Failing to Save the Entire Conversation

A single message rarely tells the whole story.  Courts often want to see the surrounding context. So it’s a mistake to save only the most offensive message(s), because this can sometimes create an incomplete picture.

Whenever possible, preserve entire conversations – not just isolated excerpts.

Mistake #3: Waiting Too Long to Write Things Down

Your memories can fade surprisingly quickly – especially if the topic is abuse by your partner, because you may even want to block it out.  Indeed, many IPV victims remember the general pattern of abuse, but then struggle months or years later to recall specific dates and details.

The solution is simple:  If an incident occurs, consider making a simple contemporaneous note that records all of the following:

• when it happened
• where it happened
• who was present
• what was said or done.

This note does not need to be elaborate, but try to put down as many details as you can. Consistency is often more important than length.

Mistake #4: Assuming Physical Injuries Are the Only Relevant Evidence

Many people believe that evidence only matters if there are bruises, photographs, or police involvement.

That is not necessarily true.

Under modern Canadian law, there is recognition that IPV can include more non-physical or indirect forms of abuse such as:

• coercive control;
• financial abuse;
• intimidation;
• isolation;
• surveillance;
• humiliation; and
• psychological abuse.

Even where there are no physical injuries, there may still be important evidence of abusive conduct.

Mistake #5: Failing to Preserve Financial Records

Financial abuse often leaves documentary evidence.

Bank statements, credit card records, loan applications, account restrictions, spending controls, and similar documents can sometimes help demonstrate patterns of domination or control.

Many people do not realize the importance of these records until long after they have become difficult to obtain.

Mistake #6: Ignoring Potential Witnesses

Victims sometimes assume that no one saw what happened.

However, witnesses do not necessarily need to have observed every incident personally.

Friends, relatives, neighbours, co-workers, teachers, counsellors, and medical professionals may have observed:

• injuries;
• behavioural changes;
• emotional distress;
• controlling conduct; or
• disclosures made at the time events occurred.

Mistake #7: Posting About the Situation on Social Media

Social media can create unexpected problems.

Posts made during a separation or dispute may later be reviewed by lawyers, judges, or opposing parties.

Before posting details about your relationship, consider whether the post could be misunderstood or taken out of context.

Mistake #8: Secretly Recording Conversations Without Legal Advice

Many people immediately think about making recordings.

The law in this area can be complicated, and there may be practical, legal, and strategic considerations that are not obvious.

Before making recordings, it is often wise to obtain legal advice about your specific circumstances.

Mistake #9: Focusing Only on Individual Incidents

One of the most important developments in Canadian law is the growing recognition that IPV often involves a pattern of behaviour rather than a series of isolated events.

A single argument may not tell the story.  What may matter is the cumulative effect of months or years of threats, intimidation, monitoring, financial control, isolation, or manipulation.

This was illustrated in a recent Ontario Small Claims court case called Doe v. A.K., 2026 CanLII 47653 (Ont. S.C.J. Sm. Cl.), where the court focused on patterns of conduct demonstrated through contemporaneous communications.

There, the same-sex parties had been involved in an on-again-off-again intimate relationship for about a year.  After they separated, they made serious allegations against each other:  One man accused the other of posting sexually explicit videos about him online and trying to get him evicted; the other (the “complainant”) claimed he had been sexually penetrated without consent, and claimed monetary damages.

As part of the proceedings, the court was asked to rule on what had occurred during a particular sexual encounter that was in dispute.  The court placed significant weight on text messages the men exchanged with each other immediately afterward. These included one particular set of messages in which the complainant expressed concern about penetration without a condom, and stating that he had not been prepared for that activity.

To resolve the matter, the court refrained from looking at this single message in isolation.  Instead, it reviewed the parties’ entire conversation, and considered it along with their subsequent communications, conduct, and surrounding circumstances.

As this case illustrates, it’s important to try to think about the overall pattern that may amount to IPV, not just the individual incidents viewed in isolation.

Mistake #10: Waiting Too Long to Get Legal Advice

Many people assume they must have all of their evidence organized before speaking with a lawyer.

That is rarely the case.

Obtaining legal advice early can help you understand what evidence may be important, what steps you should take to preserve it, and what legal remedies may be available in your particular situation.

If you are experiencing IPV, remember that your safety comes first. Evidence can be important, but protecting yourself and your children should always be the immediate priority.