Handling Holiday Parenting Time Disputes with Care

Ahh, the holidays. A time of joy, family traditions, and meaningful celebrations.

But if you’re a separated or divorced parent, the holiday parenting can be a flashpoint.  There may be disagreements over where the children will spend Christmas morning or Hannukah.  Disputes over how the children’s time will be divided during their winter break from school.  Conflict over who will arrange and pay for travel arrangements.

Worst of all, in Ontario, these disputes often surface at the worst possible moment – right when the courts are operating on reduced holiday schedules and tensions.

The good news is that many holiday-related parenting conflicts can be avoided or resolved.  But it takes planning, communication, and a clear understanding of your legal rights.

Here are some practical steps for resolving conflicts around the holiday parenting time disputes with care.

Holiday Parenting: Start Planning Early

The single most effective tactic:  Early planning.

At Fine & Associates Firm, we recommend that you begin discussing holiday schedules several months before December. In Ontario the Family Law Rules require you and your child’s other parent to make every effort to resolve your disputes before heading to court, and judges expect you both to act reasonably throughout the process.

When holiday issues are left until mid-December, options become limited and emotions tend to dominate the discussion.

Review Your Agreement

If you already have a separation agreement or court-ordered parenting schedule, start by reviewing what it says about holiday time.

For some parents, the agreement simply has them alternating Christmas or the entire winter break on a yearly basis; for others, they must split the holiday period into specific blocks.   But if your specific terms no longer make sense (for example because your children are older, travel is a factor, or because new families or traditions have been formed) start discussing adjustments early enough to give both of you ample time to review and amend the agreement in a way that suits you both.

Focus on Your Child’s Experience

Your child’s best interests should always be uppermost.  For courts, anytime they must make decisions about your child under the Divorce Act or the Children’s Law Reform Act, they must focus on how to promote the best interests of your child in the particular context.

This principle should guide your discussions as well.  Rather than consider holiday time as something to “win”, or keep score of who-had-more time with your child, try to aim for a mutually-agreed outcome that truly serves your child.

To do this, ask yourselves some practical, child-focused questions, such as:

• How can we ensure our child participates in important traditions with both sides of their family?
• When it comes to traditions, what compromises or adjustments can we make, to better serve our child’s best interests?
• What does the child want to do, during the holidays? Where would they prefer to spend the majority of their time?
• What schedule will minimize disruption to their sleep, routines, or travel?
• Can our child be transitioned between homes, in a way that minimizes their stress?

Once you’ve answered these questions together, you can work towards a plan that makes the  most sense in all respects.

Be Clear, Specific, and Practical

Holiday parenting schedules work best when they are specific.

It may seem like a good idea to leave arrangements open-ended, but this kind of flexibility often results in misunderstandings or last-minute conflict.  Instead, set out:

• Exact pickup and drop-off times
• Travel plans
• Exchange locations, and
• Expectations for communication.

If one of you is travelling outside Ontario or Canada with your child, make sure passport issues, consent letters, and itineraries are addressed with the other parent well in advance.

Similarly, consider how you will handle extracurricular activities, extended-family gatherings, or celebrations that fall within the holiday period. Small details – such as who buys the children’s winter clothing for a trip, or whether they will participate in New Year’s events – can become bigger issues if not discussed.

Use Tools That Support Co-operation

Co-parenting apps (such as OurFamilyWizard) can be helpful for co-ordinating your calendars, sharing travel details, and keeping your communication neutral. Also, aim to put everything in writing:  Written communication reduces misunderstandings and can demonstrate reasonableness if the matter later reaches court.

If your discussions and negotiations stall, consider a neutral third party. A mediator, parenting coordinator, or Family Lawyer can you identify solutions and defuse conflict before it escalates.

Finally, Know When Advice or Court Intervention Is Necessary

Despite your best efforts, some situations and disputes may call for escalation. There may be safety concerns, chronic non-compliance with your separation agreement or court orders, or a complete communication breakdown.

If you think you might need the Ontario court for a resolution, know that they are often inundated with urgent holiday motions in December.  Your matter will be classified as urgent only if it meets a narrow test, and truly cannot wait.  It’s always best to try to avoid a crisis and serious conflict in the first place.

Of course – during holidays or otherwise – you should always feel free to contact your Family Lawyer, anytime you need urgent advice.  Because unlike Santa delivering presents, your Lawyer won’t promise to work all night, but they will come through when something urgent lands on their doorstep. Feel free to give our offices a Call or request a Free Consultation.